GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS

Group of very sexually frustrated young Beatles fans, circa 1960s. I also concure that George was in fact the hottest.

I’m horny.

Not now you little pervs! Okay, well, statistically speaking I probably am now too—but I meant that in general I’m a girl who’s “in the mood” pretty often. For me the best physical feelings in the world are laughing and cumming, and I intend on doing a lot of both in my time here, thank you very much! In fact if I’m ever truly not in the mood for some good solo/partnered adult fun time, it’s likely because I’m wholly unattracted to a person, am scared for my safety, or have raging diarrhea (keep telling yourself it’s that last one big boy). Now being a person with a high libido isn’t all fun and games. Vibrators last a maximum of 6 months in my possession before burnout, I’ve had relationships end due to sexual incompatibility, and as a single girl am now often asking myself the age old question of “would sleeping with this loser be better than having no sex at all?” The jury’s still out on that one. Like many folks, and specifically many women, the role and importance of sexuality in my life came later on.

Face-to-face with my own vulva at 19, attempting to make my first orgasm happen, I felt as clueless as well...a 19-year-old boy face-to-face with my vulva trying to make my first orgasm happen. To be honest I wasn’t entirely sure I hadn’t already experienced one yet; I’d had sex with a handful of boys, and though none of them had been that great, maybe people had just overhyped it? The only insight on climaxing that I’d received from friends or late night Google searches was “You’ll know it when it happens.” Will I @GlitterBunny666 on random Reddit feed?! Will I??? By that point I’d never masturbated before, an entirely masculine act in my view, female pleasure as I’d seen it then was something to receive rather than seek out. Eventually my fated moment arrived at my own hand, the pearly gates opened, and I did in fact recognize her when she did. That night I slept sounder than I ever had before; the buzzy anxiety reel that looped through my brain suddenly quieted; blissed out and entirely furious—you’re telling me that this whole time the key to utopia sat between my very thighs and nobody thought to mention it?! I hated that I’d let others experience the pleasures of my body before even I had, hated that these boys had likely known the secrets to their own anatomy for a decade longer. One thing was certain: the gates were now open and I had lots of lost time to make up for.

From early in their lives boys are expected to be curious about their sexuality, desirous, and maybe even a little gross about it—after all, boys will be boys. You hear lots of jokes about crusty socks, and never the rock hard panties that could be broken like a plank of wood in one of those Bruce Lee films. Whispers of adolescent boys flicking through Daddy’s playboys and watching porn on the family computer; meanwhile girls were silently straddling the living room couch, touching their friends’ boobs at summer camp, and reading fan-fiction on Wattpad that could make grown men blush. In middle school health class I learned about things like wet dreams, and morning wood, but was given no explanation as to why I felt a heartbeat in my crotch whenever Taylor Lautner took his shirt off in “Twilight”. Though women are told in a million little ways that all they’re really good for is pleasuring their husbands and making babies, sex was never something we were expected to explicitly have a personal interest in. Cue the rumour that men are more sexual than women, which of course has nothing to do with libido and everything to do with power. In the days before paternity tests you wouldn’t want your wife to be sleeping around, and in the days of women still being property pleasure was far lower on the list of rights being fought for.

Charlotte from Sex and the City telling her husband about her ultimate sexual fantasy.

Let’s be clear that sex drive is incredibly individual, no matter your gender. I know people who’d ideally get off everyday, maybe multiple times a day, and others who are rarely feeling frisky at all. I know lots of vanilla-ass men, and pervy minded ladies; desire is a spectrum and if you feel satiated, safe, and happy, you’re doing things right in my book! Perpetuating the idea that men are innately more sexual doesn’t just minimize the desires of women, but puts unnecessary burdens on men themselves. Entering the dating world there’s often added pressures on boys to lose their virginities, build up a body count, and if for any reason they cannot perform in such a circumstance it’s likely a direct hit to one’s masculinity. Meanwhile women are performing the age-old waltz along the line between “slut” and “prude” for which there is no correct equation but a million wrong ways to execute.

Diego, the Giant Galapagos Tortoise.

But it all comes back to biology right? “I am man, #testosterone, must put penis in warm hole, GRRRRRR!” Hormone function is often oversimplified; men have testosterone, women have estrogen and progesterone—and though it’s true that these hormones dominate in those sexes, everyone possesses levels of all three and it’s regular for there to be variance. Estrogen in men is essential for libido, erectile function, and regulating the maturation of sperm; while testosterone in women improves sexual arousal, enhances energy levels, and supports bone health (no pun intended). But men were designed by evolution to have as much intercourse as possible and keep the human race alive, right? Let’s take Diego the giant Galapagos tortoise as an example. Diego, now well over 100 years of age, was one of only two males and 12 females left on his island whose numbers have now increased to 2000 due largely to Diego’s particular virility. This got him touted as a “hero” and “playboy” by late night talk show hosts, while there was no mention of all the lady tortoises who were also knocking shells and laying the actual eggs. A tale as old as the guy blowing his load in to lots of different women and being congratulated for it. If Diego’s story has taught us anything, I think it’s that biologically speaking we only really need one guy who can keep it up, and a whole lot of women down for action and able to pick up the slack.

Women are often depicted as the emotional, irrational, clingy sex, but what if none of that was true—we’re just horny as fuck. An orgasm is a release of physical and emotional tension at the peak of sexual arousal, not so uncommonly accompanied by crying or laughter, it’s your body’s way of letting go. So what happens when all of that tension isn’t being let out? From “Beatle-mania” to “Bieber Fever” there’s images from history of young girls chasing blacked out vans, and crying over how much they love some guy from some boyband that’s been thrust in to their sights by the media. We don’t quite see the same emotional intensity from boys crying over how much they want Megan Fox to touch their wieners and it’s because boys are at home yankin’ it to “Transformers”, therefore getting their release. The first example that comes to my mind of men acting as deranged as women at a One Direction concert is the invasion of the USA capitol on January 6th 2021—but I can pretty much guarantee that all of those men present were sexually unsatisfied as well. Listen ladies you don’t actually love Harry Styles, your boyfriend isn’t making you cum so you’ve shoved all fantasy of what could be on to some man you’ll never meet, that can thus never disappoint you. While bands like The Beatles produced records that defined a generation, does their historic success directly correlate and benefit from the sexual repression of women? Discuss.

Somebody buy these girls some vibrators, good grief!

Somebody get these bozos some fleshlights and psychotherapy subscriptions, yikers!

So if women are potentially just as desiring of sex as their male counterparts, why are men so much more sexually active? On average a higher percentage of boys begin self-exploration from an earlier age, and masturbate on a more regular basis than many women. I suppose on a basic level male anatomy has a little more flash to it? If my arm suddenly got very stiff and engorged I’d have probably had an easier trail of bread crumbs to follow, versus the feeling slightly akin to peeing one’s pants whenever my hot English teacher asked me a question. The clitoris having nearly twice the number of nerve endings as the head of a penis, it certainly isn’t because the capacity for pleasure isn’t there. Not only is male masturbation more normalized but even encouraged, with regular ejaculation stated to reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Female self-pleasuring is seen as unnecessary and crude, even though the release of endorphins and internal massage are proven to de-stress, increase mood, and relieve pain in the body such as menstrual cramps. There’s less shame around men pursuing casual sex, as well as less risk. It’s more likely that a woman will be harassed or assaulted, easier for someone with female anatomy to contract STIs, and of course the tiny little matter of potential pregnancy.

In a time when connection seems harder than ever to make I think that many of us feel like our teenage selves, wanting human contact and just not sure exactly how to get there. In a digital age inundated by online content, it can feel totally overwhelming and confusing to figure out what you actually like and what you don’t. In 2026 I think it’s time to stop pretending that we don’t want something, or that we do, and finally retire the idea that our desires are somehow dictated by gender or expectation. I’m here vouching for all the horndog ladies out there, and if you still don’t think we exist take a stroll down a bookstore’s romance aisle sometime, or ask any woman what she talks about in a room with just her girl friends. Girls too, after all, will just be girls. Alright that about wraps it up, go touch yourself or something!