What 2.5 Months Across The Pond Taught Me
Juliette beside girl wearing amusing shirt with wise slogan “Catch Flights! Not Feelings!” at the Athens airport the day that we landed. xx
As we wave farewell to another year gone by in the rearview, December becomes a natural time for reminiscing and reflection. What embarrassing moments from this year still haunt me when I’m alone late at night? Did I even accomplish anything remotely productive—how is it already 2026?? I’m pretty sure my old roommate does in fact still have my ladle...To keep somewhat of a light burning in my heart, and drain my credit cards dry because fuck capitalism (if capitalism is reading this I love you boo boo please pay for my groceries<3), I decided to take a European expedition and had an absolute ball doing it! I saw breathtaking sights and disgusting hostel bathrooms, sampled delicious local cuisines and dozens of Pret A Manger Bowls, made friends and enemies alike—it was a trip that could never be summarized in one nonsensical post alone! So here I am, woman of the world, on the cusp of a new year sharing just a few morsels of wisdom, with you sweet child, that I picked up along the way.
Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!
After a nine hour red eye flight, my best friend Jules (who would be joining me for my first month of travels) and I finally landed in Athens. We’d endured airplane food, attempted to sleep upright while using each other as body pillows, and gotten to know our fellow seat mate John. We’d negotiated seat placement before boarding, Jules agreeing to take middle (because she is a better person than I am), with the exception being that if our third seat mate was a hottie I would get the middle seat to be next to him. John was a chatty, middle-aged man (in a non-zaddy way), so I kept my window seat. Finally we’d landed in our first tropical destination of many, a trip we’d been anticipating for months—and felt like absolute shit.
We stopped at the first bathroom we saw, where you actually had to pay to enter, to be struck with the surprise that my period had just arrived—our trip was certainly off to a good start. Heading towards the massive airport’s exit we enjoyed the small pleasure of riding the horizontal-escalator-thingy, and passed a blonde woman accompanied by her husband, and two small children floating in the opposite direction.
“Come on guys we need to make this flight.” She spoke calmly, but for the second that her eyes locked with mine I could tell there was real stress behind them.
“Was that?!” Jules and I both asked in unison recognizing the woman as that actress, from that movie, that neither of us could remember the name of in our jet-lagged haze.
Hours later once I’d regained consciousness from my first seizure of the trip (really great start), we’d had something edible to eat, and I’d managed to sync up my new SIM card to a semi-reliable internet connection—we learned that the actress had been Julia Stiles, best known to us from the film 10 Things I Hate About You. The first lesson of our trip? Celebrities, they’re just like us!
I Only Order Cappuccinos Now
So it turns out that in Italian “Latte” means “glass of steamed milk”, and “Bruschetta” means “plain toast”—and yes I accepted and consumed both because they were exactly what I was expecting to receive, gracias.
Appreciate Your Porn!
Porn is not freely available in all countries...is what I have been told by others, and not personally discovered for myself. I have heard (through very distant mutual connections that I personally do not affiliate with) that in some regions, namely the United Kingdom, that you may even have to provide photographic proof of your age via your passport to access erotic videos on the web! I would agree that it is certainly far too easy for youth to be exposed to potentially detrimental content online, and though I think we all know that if somebody really wants to see something they will figure out a way of finding it, perhaps this small barrier may still be enough of a hassle to dissuade many. By the same token...this monitored obstruction may also convince some well-meaning foreign lady who just wanted to check in on a particularly attractive Italian couple she enjoys keeping tabs on now and then, that she is now being tracked by British intelligence agencies and could be arrested for questioning at any moment!!! All this to say, if you’re a consenting adult who from time enjoys accessing content made by other consenting adults online, enjoy it while and where you can?
Backpacking = The Ultimate Test Of A Marriage
Jules and I have been friends for 10 years, official roommates for 4, yet our month backpacking through Greece and Italy was the first time we’d ever travelled together. There was absolutely nobody else I would have rather been experiencing it all with and yet, and I’m sure she would tell you the same, there were moments when it got tough. The expectations are innately high when one has invested time and money in to a trip, and you’ll be lacking the comforts of home to keep you grounded throughout. Mix in the stress of travel days, sharing a bed nightly with a blanket stealer (don’t listen to what she tells you...), or simply wandering around in the Mediterranean heat unable to agree on where to go for dinner—one may get a little cranky. Living on top of one another for weeks forces you to create insider signals for things like “Can you please go for a walk around the block so I can take a shit in peace?” or “Would you mind leaving the room for 20 minutes so I can finally masturbate?” When it came time for us to part, her returning home for school while I continued on my travels north, I think we were both ready for some space. Once we were able to separate our identities, form some new independent memories, we both found ourselves missing and updating one another often. Travelling together is hard, and though I’m still a big advocate for the solo experience, ultimately if you are with the right person you’ll be glad to have shared some explorations with your little blanket stealer.
Is It Still Catcalling If Your Catcaller Is Hot?...
The jury is still out on this one, but good looking Italian men calling you “Beautiful Angel Princess” hits different, don’t come for me!
Appreciation For Where You Come From
When I left Toronto for Europe I could not have been more thrilled. I was BORED! I knew my hometown inside and out, and had fallen in to such a rut—I would never have believed you if you told me then that whilst abroad there were moments when I actually missed the place.
The transit system we all love to complain about, with it’s delays and nefarious fare inspectors, operates seamlessly compared to the random buses I spent 45 minutes waiting for that charged twice as much. When I arrived in London the same week as their entire subway operation had gone on strike, I was longing for my sweet Line 2 like a lover of days past.
Hobbling around ancient cities cobbled lanes, winding hills, and romantically narrow staircases, I often thought “How the hell do any old or physically disabled people navigate these places?!” While lacking the same historic beauty, there were still moments where I found myself proud to be from a city where things like push buttons on doors, elevators, and ramps are the bare minimum. Toronto is certainly not perfect in terms of its accessibility, but unfortunately I think we are in many ways light years ahead of a lot of others.
The food. Having gone to some of the most famous destinations for cuisine I was constantly missing the delicacies and variety that come with being raised in the most multicultural city on earth. Greece was gorgeous, but I was missing my own Yia Yia’s home cooking. Italy, y’all are cute but you need to step your food game up—THERE I SAID IT! And though I certainly love me a Brit, I was getting beige blindness by the time I flew home from Dublin and can understand why so many of our ancestors made the voyage overseas, oops!
How To Sneak A Bomb On To A Plane
I truly don’t understand why there are not more female terrorists/drug smugglers; we’re unsuspecting, have a flare for dramatics, and are simply packing the storage love. You hear these stories about people sneaking narcotics up their bum, but babe why shove the goods in a carry-on when ladies have access to a first class stowed luggage compartment, if you catch my drift?
The cogs began turning after getting my Swiss moisturizer confiscated by a heartless security woman at Glasgow’s airport. I’d have thought in a “girls supporting girls” sense she’d have been more forgiving towards my lengthy skincare regime—but no, I was over my liquids limit, and now curse the day she was born.
Men in general tend to be my preferred to deal with in such circumstances; they’re usually under less pressure, and thus more welcoming towards being manipulated. Like sweet baby Marcus who I interacted with at Toronto’s Pearson airport at the start of my trip. When he told me that my leave-in conditioner was too big to bring on board I knew a connection had to be made. I asked his name, told him about how I would be spending so much time on the beach in my tiny bathing suit, swimming in the salty ocean, my poor hair would be a total mess without my leave-in! As a feminist I believe it is within my realm of rights to use every skill at my disposal, whilst navigating this world that was built against my favour, including being not afraid to flirt a little and show some cleav’.
“Okay fine...just don’t tell anybody it was me who let you through!” I can guarantee you it was male security at the airport on 9/11.
He’d then opened my toiletry case to reveal a handful of tampons that horrified him so much he zipped the bag right back up without even questioning the serums and lotions concealed below, waving us on through. I have learned that next time I’m travelling with valuable beauty products I’m either stowing them up my cooch, or burying them under menstrual products #girlpower.
Turns Out I Get Very Seasick
‘Nough said. Pro Tip: Humming Phoebe Bridgers Motion Sickness to yourself does help a little.
Don’t Decide Other People’s Opinions Of You For Them
When living in the city you grew up in, surrounded by familiar crowds and routines, it’s much easier to conform to preconceived ideas of ourselves that we’ve built up over the years. When exploring places unknown, where you yourself are anonymous, it may soon become clear that the way others view you is in fact quite different from how you’ve been seeing yourself. While I journeyed through cities like Rome, Berlin, Edinburgh—the fun, confident, beautiful woman strangers were reflecting back at me was the true foreigner in my eyes. My initial reaction was always to correct these interpretations “No, no, you don’t understand—I’m an anxious, insecure, ugly duckling! This is just vacation me!” Though I’d felt quite sedentary for some time before my trip, perhaps new aspects of my character had been quietly bubbling beneath the surface. If everywhere you go you take yourself, maybe I needed to leave to realize that I’ve changed, with my own perspective just playing catch-up.
Basic Needs Are Important
Dancing until 7am is fun! Averaging 40,000 steps a day walking around a new city is fun! Eating nothing but pizza is fun! Laying on the beach on a remote island as a pasty ass person is fun! Until...
I had a lot of fun on this trip. As someone who instinctively thrives on rituals and routine (doing my morning/evening yoga practice, eating three healthy meals a day, getting 9 hours of sleep), it was a hella good time throwing all of that out the window—I’m on vacation bitch! As someone who was also travelling for 3 months...my body was definitely starting to feel it.
So just your little reminder to for the love of god, get some proper rest, eat balanced/filling meals, wear your sunscreen, stretch, and every once and a while to balance it all out—do the complete opposite.
C xx
