Sobriety and Hard Boiled Eggs

Millie from “Freaks and Geeks” being a queen.

I don’t drink. It’s a hard thing for people to wrap their heads around, as I’m probably the most raucous one at the party, and can certainly make questionable decisions all on my own. Drinking is also just a habit so innately woven into our culture’s fabric, it seems to throw folks when they encounter somebody who doesn’t partake.

It’s often assumed that my reasoning must stem from issues I’ve had with alcohol in past, but the truth is drinking has just never been a part of my life, and likely never will be. When people ask why (as they always do) my answer tends to be “A million reasons and not really one at all.” I’ll admit it can be tiring responding to the stunned and confused looks of people grappling with my opposing (and in my eyes, truly not that big of a deal) life choices. The last time I was questioned it occurred to me to ask in return “Why is it that you do drink?” For myself it was this question that I could never quite find a good enough answer to for me to start.

Let me say off the top that I recognize my perspective as unique; being someone who’s never drank, my experience couldn’t possibly encapsulate that of fellow sober people who have. As the queries continue to flood in however, for anyone who may be wondering what it’s like over here on the dark side, and so that I have a place to send all those I’ve befuddled—let’s break my decision for sobriety down.

Starting with my main and most boring reason for not drinking—I just never developed a taste for alcohol. Growing up I assumed I would gain an inclination towards a glass of red after work, or crave a cold beer on a hot summer’s day, as all of the adults around me had, but I just never did. Hmmm how can I make this make sense...Okay so I hate hard boiled eggs. They’re squeaky, and smelly, and I just don’t like them! I know they’re very popular, full of protein, and the hot guy in twilight strangely carries around a whole bag full of them, but they’re just not for me. Did I just make this all more confusing? Okay let’s keep going.

Emmett Cullen in “Twilight” mysteriously accompanied by a ziplock bag full of hard boiled eggs.

I’m cheap as fuck. I’ll admit I’m always shocked, when I go out with friends, by the price of cocktails, and how quickly a bar tab can add up. While I think that treating yourself to a nice couple of drinks on a night out, or picking up a bottle of something to pair with dinner sounds lovely, I personally would rather buy myself dessert, or save my pennies to support my vintage shopping addiction. Neither are better or worse, just different tastes and priorities.

The rebellion factor. Growing up my raver parents drank, smoked, did the occasional party drug; and if I wanted to have a taste of wine at Christmas dinner with my European family, that was totally fine. When peers around me began to experiment with drugs and alcohol in high school, none of it allured me. From my perspective there wasn’t the same kind of “taboo” temptation, that impressed friends whose parents were more conservative. In fact me not partaking might have been my angsty way of saying “I’m my own person mom and dad!” I always say if you don’t want your kids to do something, do it yourself—it’s a sure fire way to make something “uncool”, and possibly raise a narc of a child.

I have people close to me who have battled with addiction. Though this wasn’t my initial reasoning for not drinking, I’ll be honest that seeing those I love struggle hasn’t exactly made the case for it. I know that I myself have quite obsessive tendencies, living a life that can be full of extreme highs and lows, so mixing substances in to the bunch also just felt like a potential complication I’d rather not test.

I’m fun enough already?? For my senior yearbook superlative the entire grade voted me “Most likely to get high on life”. I’ll admit I have been approached at parties by people asking if I have extra coke, or inquiring how many drinks I’ve already had. I just love to dance, love talking to people, and have been known to let my freak flag fly on occasion. People always ask “But don’t you feel so awkward being around drunk people sober?”—no?? Sure if someone’s being a complete asshat I’d rather them not be a part of my evening, but that would apply to any scenario or person, whether they’re completely trashed or sober. As long as everyone’s being safe and feeling good, I’m probably having a good time too. Plus if I make a complete fool of myself, there’s the added benefit of knowing those around me will likely not remember a thing.

Now there are some downsides to my experience as a sober person. Aside from not being able to blame that last margarita for my loony behaviour, the worst is how my sobriety can sometimes make surrounding people feel awkward when it really, totally, absolutely should not! When people find out that I don’t drink they often feel a need to change their behaviours to match mine. I think this is usually well-intended, and out of respect for me, but I sometimes fear that they might possibly feel like I may judge them otherwise? I assure you that these sentiments are completely unnecessary—let’s bring it back to the eggs.

If I was out to dinner and my date asked, “Ooh the Niçoise salad looks good, wanna split that?”

I might respond, “You know what hard boiled eggs aren’t really my thing, but you should totally try it!”

Their body language has most definitely shifted by this point. The look of shock and confusion has risen as they stutter out, “O-oh well—then I won’t have hard boiled eggs either!”

This might be the appropriate response when in the company of somebody who you know has struggled with hard boiled eggs in past, and I appreciate the consideration for this possibility. Let this stand on record however that in my specific case, if you are eating your hard boiled eggs responsibly, in a controlled environment, and they make you genuinely happy, treat yourself to that egg babe!

When I think of my sobriety it doesn’t feel like an active choice, something I set out to become, or a moral I decided to have; I just kind of fell in to it, akin to how I think most begin to drink. Becoming known as the rowdy sober girl is a laugh, I feel particularly seen by the 2010 pop hit “Like A G6” lyric “Sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they drunk”. My advice to others would be to experiment a little, find what feels right for you alone, whether that’s getting shwasted or sitting that round out. At the end of the day I just wanna feel confident in ordering my peppermint tea at the bar, and want others to feel confident in me doing so as well. I will admit though—if every time someone had offered to buy me a drink they had suggested gelato instead, that would be cool too.