Permission to be trash, sir? : A Belated Women’s Day Post
Portrait of me and my future husband.
Good morning. Before we begin I would like to thank you all for your time, and apologize for any inconvenience that my presence and sheer existence may have already brought upon you. I stand before the jury today pleading my case as a woman, a member of the lesser sex, for my right to be less than.
Women have come a long way in these some hundred thousand years of existence. We’ve earned the right to vote for men who know better than we. We can work for our own money, most likely at the expense of being called bad mothers or power hungry. We may compete in professional sports, probably being told that we look brutish or manly while doing so, but not to worry because nobody watches female athletics anyhow! All this and now we have our very own dedicated Women’s Day, a whole 24 hours just for—oops sorry in 2026 Women’s Day actually fell on daylight savings, the one day a year that is only 23 hours...Scheduling mishap, whatcha gonna do!
Speaking of, this Women’s Day let’s not leave out the men. While the ladies are just darling, there’s a reason why we don’t rule the world after all. Mainly it comes down to biology, men are bigger, stronger—minus every guy you’ve probably matched with on Hinge who has most definitely lied about his height. I’m only teasing of course, we love you boys, and I say that with my whole heart. I mean every one of you were literally grown and birthed by a woman who made the decision to have you—or was unable to abort you because her rights to said choices were taken away, but same diff!
Synonyms for “Man” taken from thesaurus.com including fun names like gent, chap, dude, fellow, etc.
While men and women are equally integral, our society does interpret and treat them with some variances. When a man acts coldly it’s because he’s stressed from work, or is introverted—and isn’t that kind of endearing? When a woman is having a bad day, or not on 100% of the time, it’s because she’s a bitch. Men are expected to cheat on their partners, and yet the women they cheat with are the home wrecking whores. The absent father or life long bachelor are well accepted clichés, while the women who don’t want to settle down and have children are defective shrews. So what do we do to even out the playing field? Give women more rights? Teach men and boys to respect their female counterparts with comparable kindness? Fat chance. No, this Women’s Day I am fighting for my right to be absolute fucking trash.
Women worldwide have been pushing boundaries for millennia to prove the breadth of their capabilities, and as a proud feminist in 2026 who believes I can do anything that a man can, I too would like to do less. I want to be entirely comfortable looking like shit going to the grocery store at 8pm to buy toilet paper without makeup on. I want to be grumpy, and lose my temper, and not feel guilty about it for weeks to come—because I’m actually usually a total people’s person, you just caught me at a bad time! I want to be vulgar, and crass, and be the kind of girl you’d tell your sons to stay away from, which of course will only make them want me even more…In the words of Lily Allen: “I wanna eat spaghetti bolognese and not feel bad about it for days, and days, and days”.
Synonyms for “Woman” taken from thesaurus.com that in contrast include almost exclusively terms of relation such as daughter, grandmother, wife, etc.
Women aren’t allowed to be women. We’re girlfriends, wives, mothers, or some lesser version of a man that we’ll never live up to, not recognized as whole in just being ourselves. Think of any heterosexual couple you know, in either your social circle or the media. I would argue that 80% of the time (pulled that number straight out of my flat, hip-dipped ass) the woman is hotter, yes? Women are almost always the settlers, because we’ve been bombarded with the idea that we’re not good enough since childhood, and it’s fucking bullshit. In protest my husband will be so out of my league just you wait, I’m flipping this tired script! I will be the visually boring female peacock to his gorgeous emerald feathered self, and others will gossip about wether he married me for my enviable wit, copious wealth, or tight ass puss.
Women aren’t valuable because of all that we’ve achieved, or all that we most certainly have the capability to do in future; our value exists simply because we do, with nothing further to prove. Women are strong, beautiful, genius, sexy, compassionate figures. When you often get so little credit for being the best, sometimes I just wish the bar was a little lower.
